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This is a change for me. I'm not usually asked to speak. I'm usually asked to be quiet. And often, to put on some pants.
On an occasion like this, most speakers assume you want to hear some deeply considered truths about life. I think different.
I think you might want to hear... something totally opposite of serious. How about how Congress would be different if it were run by tiny toy poodles?
Oh, sure. Qualifications for office would stay the same: Shake hands...
But some things would be different.
Instead of sending liquor at Christmas, lobbyists would send out little pink hair bows.
When someone dies, instead of a state funeral, they'd dig a hole in the White House back yard.
And when members wanted to go drinking, they'd skip the bar at the Monocle and just gather around the toilet. Eh, that's enough.